[revised - thought of some points while hiking later today]
Earlier this week I received an email from Real Age titled "4 Tips to Break Bad Habits." One of the tips is "enlist support -- ask for help."
I've learned over the years while listening at conferences and support groups, and reading literature that the concept of asking for help can be quite difficult for those with an eating disorder, particularly those with a perfectionistic bent and whose cultural norm is self-sufficiency, a norm heavily promoted by our society in my experience. Think of all those self-help books one finds on bookshelves.
Our sons and daughters who enter treatment at a residential or out-patient facility or even independent treatment with (hopefully) a skilled eating disorder therapist, are often given what are called tools to combat their brain disorder. The goal of those tools is to help them choose an alternative course of action rather than to turn to the behaviors that are endangering their lives or slowly killing them.
What is missing from the tool box, it seems to me, is the creation of a list of human resources -- people -- who will help the person in the moment thwart the desire to binge/purge or refrain from eating.
Many find they have a very hard time picking up that thousand pound telephone, even a cellphone can weigh that much when confronted with the need to call someone for help. Yet these contacts are critical - a buddy system, if you will. The buddy system is used in the Army when recruits are going through Basic Training.
Although much research continues on eating disorders, many have pointed to clues that the behaviors involved in eating disorders become actual habits that are rewarded by the release of dopamine and other substances that either bring pleasure or relief or reduction of anxiety/fear (among other things).
The goal is to change that habit.
Before release from treatment in a residential facility or before leaving the day program for home or while working with a therapist in a 50-minute session, the person with an ED would be well-served with the creation by him/her working with the therapist of a people resources list that might even be laminated and carried with him/her at all times or entered into a cellphone database.
Many treatment facilities will forbid a visit to the rest room for an hour after meals. That's great but who will become the monitor after the fact? Instead, provide practice sessions where the person graduates to no monitoring but is encouraged to go find help if the urge sneaks up on them to purge. In real life situations out on pass, for example, encourage the person to ask for help before the urge to grab a handful of aspartame packets at the coffee shop or give a sandwich to a friend during school rather than eat it for lunch takes over. I'm sure there could be lots of other examples and I mention only a few to avoid triggers for those reading this.
There are Facebook pages and individual blogs out there used by people in recovery who reach out when they find themselves struggling -- another great way to ask for help.
Asking for help is part of the new behavior that must be developed for the person to survive. Some might be able to turn to their own inner resources immediately (possibly because they're sick of being sick and tired), but most will need this extra step to make it all fit together, I think. Perhaps the lack of this is one contributor to the relapse rate?
Encourage the creation of a multiple buddy system of people who will support the endeavor to get well rather than enable the person to continue with their behavior!
Just maybe we cannot do "it" alone.
[I write this piece with thanks to a therapeutic clinical treatment team that has developed this approach. I think the approach makes a world of sense.]
Information is provided about eating disorders, particularly of adults, to parents and other loved ones written by a parent who is in recovery from an eating disorder.
Welcome
When I created this blog, I was "getting on" in my early sixties, hence the blog name. However, my adult daughter's eating disorder and co-occurring emotional dysregulation disorder and other co-morbidities - ongoing for about 33 years - became and was our focus as we attempted to help her get into recovery. By learning about, reflecting on, reading about, attending conferences and writing about eating and brain disorders, I created a place to blog what I've learned. I hope this blog will be of use to others, especially families of and adult sufferers themselves to help them get into recovery. I update posts from time and the update date will be present at the top of the post.
Sadly, my daughter passed away in early October 2021 mainly because her body became so malnourished that she was immunocompromised, contracted a severe infection that was not properly addressed during an earlier hospital stay the month before, and developed an overwhelming non-covid pneumonia following surgery to save her life. I believe she should have been able to receive palliative care but Arizona, our country, and even the professionals trained in the treatment of eating disorders, particularly anorexia, are not "there" yet. I address the issue of palliative care in a recent post below, initially written in November 2021. I am not a certified eating disorder specialist. I am an Expert by Experience and college-educated with a BA in Community Work with an additional certificate in a one-year program in Business Administration from the same institution.
I am passionate about all of this because, as Shakespeare wrote in The Taming of the Shrew, Act 4, Scene 3: "My tongue will tell the anger [and sadness] of my heart or else my heart, concealing it, will break. And, rather than it shall, I will be free even to the uttermost, as I please in words."[2016]
Travel Guide
If you're new to my blog, I recommend you begin on the right side and take a look at the "Of Note" offerings. Read Dr. Cynthia Bulik's recent published interview (5/4/22) "Rethinking Eating Disorders" if you want to print an easy-to-understand professional's expert opinion about anorexia for your family doctor or the therapist. [Early intervention is absolutely critical. For those whose eating disorder is categorized as entrenched or severe and enduring, read the editorial comment by Stephen Touyz and Philipa Hay for a new approach about treatment. It is possible for your loved one to recover! I have also attached a link here for additional papers on the subject of severe and entrenched eating disorders. If you are a family member or friend of an adult with an eating disorder and have been at this for awhile, I refer you to the posts within the title "Adult Eating Disorders and Recovery Tools" found in the Index on the right hand side of this site. As well, in the "Of Note" section take a look at those posts with an asterisk. If you're a parent and need support, look for posts in the Index about parent support or parent toolbox.
In my opinion, the best book to buy, to refer to constantly and to share with members of the medical/psychiatric profession is "Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders" by Jennifer L. Gaudiani MD, CEDS, FAED. "Dr. Gaudiani aims to improve medical diagnosis and treatment, motivate recovery, and validate the lived experiences of individuals of all body shapes and sizes, while firmly rejecting dieting culture."
I recommend two groups who will support you on your journey - F.E.A.S.T and the National Alliance for Eating Disorders. Both maintain websites and Facebook private groups.