Someday Melissa - the film

Less than two weeks ago I ordered the DVD Someday Melissa. The film arrived in our po box today, I brought it home, sat down, and watched it.

I ordered the film for two reasons: one, to support the work of Judy Avrin and the nonprofit created in her daughter's name; and the second, to share this with people who simply cannot "get" what it is like to have an eating disorder, in this case bulimia.

You can read more about Someday Melissa here.

I think what struck me about the film is how accurately it depicted the illness (I fought it for 15 years with a detour to anorexia for four of them and have been in recovery for more than 35 years) and what it can do to the individual who gets mired in it. Viewers are given the opportunity to meet Melissa as a baby and to grow up with her; to learn about her struggles and her questions; to listen to her beautiful yet wrenching prose; and to watch a girl turn into a young woman whose body truly does not betray that she has an eating disorder at all unless a person knew about her illness. One does not see a wasting body - the typical thought that people have when they hear the words eating disorder because anorexia, rather than bulimia, is so closely identified with the words eating disorder.

Many in the medical field still do not understand how deadly bulimia can be.

The viewer also meets Melissa's family and close friends and what they saw and felt. There were certain elements that troubled me but perhaps those were more about me and my experience and what I've seen than about the film.

I won't give away any more of the film. I think it is and will be an important tool to educate the public -- and ED professionals -- about bulimia. Some people make it through to the other side; others, like Melissa, do not. Some people start with bulimia and then move on to anorexia, as well. Others the reverse.

An eating disorder is a medical emergency.

I highly recommend a viewing if you are given the opportunity.

A Swan of a Different Color

I've spent two days mulling over the movie (this next link provides a psychological discussion of the movie and has a couple of spoilers)  Black Swan, which is definitely not the original ballet Swan Lake although the music and the back story are somewhat similar.  In fact, there's been a more recent ballet that places men in the traditional lead roles.  The movie was beautifully done and beautiful.  It was also horrifying.

When I was a little girl (in 1950), my parents signed me up for ballet lessons.  I remember the shoes (by no means was I on my toes then) and the little outfit I wore although I cannot find any photos in my parents' vast collection that would give me any further memory of this.   However, shortly afterwards we moved to Colombia where I was introduced to something like gymnastics but I never returned to ballet.  Until I was in my late teens, I was quite short but otherwise had the slender figure for it.   I've always loved to watch ballet even though I never developed an aptitude for it.

So, when I heard about Black Swan, I wanted to see it in the theater for a larger than life view.  Whew!  A larger than life view it was.  And, I will say right up front here that I do not recommend that anyone see this movie if they are not solidly in recovery from an eating disorder.

This movie reminded me of my growing up experience with Gulliver's Travels.  When I was a little girl, the story was just that, a story.  When I reached junior year in high school, suddenly the story turned into a not so pleasant analysis of people (to make a long story short).

Black Swan became the same for me at several levels.  There is the story of a young woman who wants to be perfect and is compulsive about her work to get to that place.  There is the story of a young woman who is caught up in the requirement to have a lithe body, and what that means in terms of eating or not eating, in this case.  There is the story of a young woman who is striving to separate herself from the girl her mother sacrifices herself for in order to become the independent woman who needs to "let go" and have a life of her own.  Her struggle incorporates other behaviors often seen in those who also have eating disorders and Borderline Personality Disorder.

The mother especially embodied all the horrible theories that have been prevalent in the field of brain disorders -- the person who totally lacks boundaries and is responsible, it used to be/continues to be said, for signs and symptoms of illnesses like schizophrenia and eating disorders.

The struggle that involves the metamorphosis into the young woman we see on the screen is amazing and chilling and the ending left my husband and me totally exhausted, probably because he and I have been far too close to what we saw on the screen.  I suppose that some of us could even interpret the Black Swan to be the wicked ED.  Natalie Portman played this role to, forgive me, perfection, as did Barbara Hershey, Mila Kunis, and Winona Ryder among others.  I believe I have not given away too much here.  Again I would not recommend this movie for anyone who is not totally in recovery.