Someday Melissa - the film

Less than two weeks ago I ordered the DVD Someday Melissa. The film arrived in our po box today, I brought it home, sat down, and watched it.

I ordered the film for two reasons: one, to support the work of Judy Avrin and the nonprofit created in her daughter's name; and the second, to share this with people who simply cannot "get" what it is like to have an eating disorder, in this case bulimia.

You can read more about Someday Melissa here.

I think what struck me about the film is how accurately it depicted the illness (I fought it for 15 years with a detour to anorexia for four of them and have been in recovery for more than 35 years) and what it can do to the individual who gets mired in it. Viewers are given the opportunity to meet Melissa as a baby and to grow up with her; to learn about her struggles and her questions; to listen to her beautiful yet wrenching prose; and to watch a girl turn into a young woman whose body truly does not betray that she has an eating disorder at all unless a person knew about her illness. One does not see a wasting body - the typical thought that people have when they hear the words eating disorder because anorexia, rather than bulimia, is so closely identified with the words eating disorder.

Many in the medical field still do not understand how deadly bulimia can be.

The viewer also meets Melissa's family and close friends and what they saw and felt. There were certain elements that troubled me but perhaps those were more about me and my experience and what I've seen than about the film.

I won't give away any more of the film. I think it is and will be an important tool to educate the public -- and ED professionals -- about bulimia. Some people make it through to the other side; others, like Melissa, do not. Some people start with bulimia and then move on to anorexia, as well. Others the reverse.

An eating disorder is a medical emergency.

I highly recommend a viewing if you are given the opportunity.

Two weeks of H#!$ and Modeling/ Mirroring

I've attended several Family Weeks at this point while my daughter has continued her journey with the evil ED.

Each time, as I've written before, I've learned valuable tools as well as lessons on how to continue on the journey with my daughter without collapsing in the process.  There are times, like last night, when I've been an emotional wreck after witnessing what can only be described as a complete meltdown -- adult version -- comparable to (for those of you who are parents) a two and a half year old's temper tantrum.  By saying this, I am not in any way attempting to belittle the meaning of the adult's version; rather, trying to illustrate what happened.

One of the lessons I learned and need to remind myself at this point is that when I visit I need to put on a suit of armour that permits me to give all the love and support I can without melting in the process in front of her.  An underlying technique is called "modeling" or providing an example of behavior in the direst of circumstances so that she will hopefully adopt or "mirror"  that behavior.  Our children, from birth, look to us to see how we handle circumstances, both easy and terribly difficult.  They learn to behave as we do.  Many parents can recognize themselves in some of the behaviors and statements their children make on down the road.  Or children can withdraw, because they cannot fathom themselves being able to behave in a way that does not make sense to them.

I am certain that we three kids, while traveling to India back in the 1950's for example, would have panicked if my mother hadn't kept cool, calm and collected (she years later said perhaps she was just in shock and just hung on) when we disembarked from our plane in the Middle East and had to walk through a gauntlet of soldiers pointing their weapons at us.  I do remember this.  Our passports were taken from us and all the passengers were held in a room until our plane was refueled and we were finally on our way again.

Last week I did break down following a hearing and wish I hadn't but I was frustrated more than anything else by the conclusion that a "danger to self" was not included in the description.  Last night, I was able to remain calm until I had left the building and was held by another of the mothers who was visiting that evening.

We do set an example with every one of our behaviors.  The old saying, "do as I say and not as I do" needs to be thrown out the window because walking one's talk makes a difference.  This is why family therapy can be so darned valuable.  Families learn how to behave in the face of the monster eating disorder.  Families learn when they need to take time outs and how to do that.  Families need to learn how to decline (what to say and how to say it) to visit if they simply cannot handle the emotions at that time while present with their loved ones.  I do not mean one needs to be cold.  Far from it.  I got down on the floor, too, and stroked her back.  When I saw that wasn't working, I knew I needed to leave and told her I loved her and would report what was going on to her team.

Being a parent of a person with an eating disorder is really, really difficult.  My heart goes out to all parents who might read this note.  Hang in there.  Research is opening doors and journals like the International Journal of Eating Disorders and the European Eating Disorders Review are making some of  their publications and/or articles available to download and pass along to therapists and other team members to bring them up to date.

Three Excellent Articles from the European Eating Disorders Review, Volume 20, Issue 1

These papers would make a good start for anyone wanting to get an up-to-date report about eating disorders and the treatment of eating disorders as well as related diagnoses.

I am specifically referring to the paper by Janet Treasure et al (Eating in Eating Disorders) ; by Bryony Bamford and Victoria Mountford  (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Individuals with Long-Standing Anorexia Nervosa); and Tom Hildebrandt et al, (Anxiety in Anorexia Nervosa and its Management Using Family Based Treatment) .

Or you can simply download the whole issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  How wonderful for this journal to make this up to date information available to everyone.

More on Eating Disorders and Recovery from Aimee Liu

Aimee Liu has written a guest post on June Alexander's blog titled, "Moving from an Eating Disorders Half-Life to Your Full Life."

From Aimee's post:

Note to everyone who’s ever had an eating disorder:  we are ALL supposed to enjoy living.
Fortunately, most eating disorder treatment programs today understand this.  They move well beyond the initial and necessary focus on eating and weight to address temperament, identity, self direction, and other key predisposing or contributing issues.

It's great to find this posted today and expands on the material presented in my post yesterday about Aimee Liu's book, Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives.